I Love You
by A Lurking Maid
Summary: This is something post Rise. Castle isn't mine! I wish it was


**Okay, seriously. You guys will see a few stories from me. My brain does not like the words "shut up!" I enjoy writing these, though, as much as you all love to read them. Thank you for the positive reviews as well as critique. Also, remember "slash" is different than "bash." As always, this is a product of my stupid brain. But I don't own anything. All of this belongs to ABC and Andrew Marlowe. **

I Love You

Kate went back to her apartment after her first session with her shrink. She had been talking about her shooting for an hour and she just wanted to get lost in something else. She tried a random book. No good. She tried one of Castle's books, but she just thought about Castle while she was reading it.

_He'd been there the whole time. I'd been too stubborn to see what he was doing. I didn't even bother to call him after I promised I would. And yet there he was, helping me with my mother's case, even while I wasn't there. _

She put the book down and rubbed her eyes. She needed to put everything out of her head for a while. But she couldn't. This whole thing was eating at her. She needed a lead. She needed a break in the case. But there wasn't one. That scared the crap out of her.

She opened the murder board that she'd created. She had every detail of her mother's case on it. She had added some new things since her shooting. But every lead she thought she had just turned out to be a dead end. She decided to just look at the murder board. _I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry for failing you so much. _

Just then, someone knocked on her apartment door. She wiped her eyes before she answered it.

Castle stood in the doorway. He had a weird habit of showing up at exactly the right time. He also knew exactly what to say and when to say it. "Hey," she said, smiling a little bit. The last time he was over, they'd argued.

"Hi," he smiled. "Can I come in?"

"Please," she ushered. Castle walked in.

"Kate, I thought you were putting that thing to rest for a while," he said, noticing the open murder board.

"I just needed to look at it for a while. I'm not investigating anything. I promise."  
Castle took her word for it. She stood in front of the homemade board, eyes fixated on her mother. "What's wrong?"

"I liked it better when the answer we got was gang violence. I liked it better when I had no answers, when what didn't add up didn't add up without a reason. I liked it better when I didn't try solving it. Because now, with all these answers and leads that go south all the time, I feel like I'm failing her." Kate wiped away tears. "I just want to give my mother some justice. I feel like every time I try, I just come up with nothing."  
Castle put his hand on her shoulder. "You're not failing her," he reassured her. "You're getting answers. You have answers. Maybe not all of them, but you have some of them. Yes, while I admit that the fire was a fluke, you're getting everything else you need."

She was fighting back tears. "If only the investigating officer on my mother's murder wasn't involved. I might have gotten answers years ago."

"Kate. Breathe."

Kate stared at him, appalled that he was telling her to breathe. "No, Castle. I can't breathe. That's the thing. I… I can't breathe." She was wiping away escaping tears more fiercely. "I shouldn't even be crying."

"It's okay to cry, Kate. This isn't some random murder. This is your mom. Crying is allowed in this case."

"Crying means I'm weak. I'm not weak. I won't break!"

"Crying means you care, Kate. It has nothing to do with weakness."

She wiped away more tears. "I should have called months ago."

"Forget about that," he said dismissively. "I'm here now."

Kate fell into his arms. He held on. He gripped her as tightly as he could.

_I'm sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry. I keep failing you. Everything I do ends badly. I can't do anything right anymore. _

_ This is Castle, Mom. I'm so in love with him. And he's in love with me. I know he is. And I can't say anything because that means I have to admit I've been lying to him. _

_ I need you to tell me what to do._

She cried as she waited for her answer. Yet none came. Instead, she held onto Castle, with the urge to say "I love you" eating away at her.


End file.
